“Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; they therefore remain bound.”
“Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.”
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
You want to make a positive change in your life. The talk is always easy. People tell you that you need to change, but there will always be both explicit and implicit obstacles that stopped you from moving forward.
There are 5 main reasons why people don’t change! or can’t change at all! (This can be an attitude, a behaviour, health consciousness or social skills, a habit, a style or a general stigma)
1. You just don’t want to change.
You have always thought that you want to change but who exactly are you changing for? For the sake of your family, friends, partner, boss, colleagues or the society? To go the miles, you have to begin with an inner drive, a desire to obtain the change in all times. If not, you will likely to give up on changing, even no long after you have just started.
What to do about it: Take time to set out your goals and if they are not your goals, think about how you can sit down and work on your own goals instead of starting other goals. Jot the goals in a paper and plan towards your changes, give yourself a certain amount of time and don’t rush yourself. You are not trying to meet with deadline but life changes.
p/s: We understand sometimes changes can be good that were set out by someone but if someone pointed out that you have to change, you don’t have to turn into a new leaf all of a sudden because people who have pointed your weakness have also something that they should change. It would be best to make changes together.
2. You have too much fear and too little courage.
Some people think change is a daunting matter especially when you have to step out the first step. You are thinking of the consequences before taking the action (changing yourself). People like to do things in their own way, everyone is stubborn because they are afraid of admitting that they have to change. Even if that change is a positive one, most of us would not bother to take the initial step.
What to do about it: You really do need to live through the horror, and succumb each of them so that you will know what to do when the next horror comes. You have to take risk because you will never know what form of changes you would encounter. Sometimes, we just don’t realize that we have changed, because the experiences were numb to us and we sort of understand how to encounter them.
P/s: Change your perception and your views, look everything in a different angle and changing yourself is not a bad thing- who knows? People may like the ‘new’ you.
3. Your environment is holding you back.
Environment is a crucial determinant whether you are able to change yourself. For instance, losing weight will be a lot more difficult if people around you are eating unhealthily. If you hang out with introverts, you will more likely to not achieve your goal in being a socially active, positive person.
What to do about it: Change your environment but do not reject people who do not share the same goal as you. You can always find new people that have similar goals as you. Commit to different social activities and expand your circle of friends to realize your potential/weakness-whether people hates you or likes you. People around you are actually quite supportive in your changes, you may find that they are mocking you or commented on your actions but these little things are meant to push you towards changes.
P/s: Often, distractions and temptations are the best things that test your level OR that made you realize but you may just taken away by them, affected by them without knowing. Therefore, you will be less likely to have positive change.
4. You are impatient after one or three failures.
There is this pride thing that is stopping you. You question why people are born without doing any changes, why do they succeed easily and you can never reach to their level. You are jealous, you are impatient and you end up giving up (FULL STOP). You virtually assumed that you will never be able to change.
What to do about it: Life goes on and you just have to put those failures off from your shoulder and move on. Reading these words will not make you change the next morning. But eventually you will understand and not get discouraged about the tiny failures in life. You have to expect failures and don’t let them get you because when you hold them like valuable learning tools, they are a lot easier to handle.
P/s: Being negative is always something that urges you to not get up and try again, from my experience.
5. No pain, no gain and the uncertainty
You want to change but there is nothing pushing you towards the goals-pain. Why do people successfully changed themselves? Because they simple had enough of their old-self (they wake up one day and knowing that they should just CHANGE!). The pain was actually your inner pain that grasp onto your old self, struggling. When you let it go, you freed yourself. Uncertainty means not knowing the practical way in changing yourself. Solutions are easy to describe in words but people are not certain where to begin…
What to do about it: The best way to ask yourself, if you continue behaving as such, if you don’t get rid of this, if you stay by waiting and in 5, 10, 15 and 20 years, where would you stand? What is your future? Try to embrace yourself and see what other people thought of you then clearly you will feel the ‘pain’ (being excluded, being judged, being criticize, being mocked and being alleviated). Talk to ‘experts’ that have successfully made the change you want to make. Their advice are practical as they have been in your shoes and probably gone where you have gone through.