Every time, you will have to face confrontation of someone asking you a favour and particularly people who are closed to you. However the reply of ‘No’ is a pain in the head as we find it hard to counteract with their requests.
At a very young age, we have learnt to say ‘NO’ and it was never a problem. Saying ‘No’ to our not-so- favourite food, saying ‘No’ to our mummy leaving home for work and saying ‘No’ to our parents because we don’t want to go to the nursery. Saying “No” was our job and this job symbolize that every individuals are born different. As we grew up into our older years, saying “No” was not as easy and it is not an acceptable as it was compared to our younger age.
It is essential to help others, to do what others told you and make possibility of being kind towards community. But some of us go too far. Saying “Yes” to all reasonable requests can gradually wear us out. Sometimes, we just give too much that eventually we ave nothing left to give. Worst still is that we have nothing left for ourselves. If we say ‘yes’ too frequently, we will end up using too much of our energy and without filling up, it leads to exhaustion, bad mood and lots of inevitable mistakes. It doesn’t affects the people that we’ve promised them on the tasks but in fact it affects our emotions whether we feel happy for doing all these work.
Whether it is a domestic chore, an assignment, a random favour or a heavy duty task from paid to volunteering, these things take up a lot of our time and most importantly is that we have only got 24 hours a day. Even if we do have the extra time, we try our best in helping them. We felt that saying “No” can lead to guilt and everyone wish to be the nice person. We told others that it is not troublesome at all, that sooner or later, it becomes natural that everyone is asking for your help and how much can you actually help?
Are we being too nice?
When we say “Yes” just to please others or just to show others that we are unselfish, the responsibility on our shoulder creates burden and stress level to be rocking high. Everything seems to become obligations that you cannot just abandon. We might occasionally regret on agreeing someone that we would help them to do a certain kind of work but life is not just about following orders, people have their own choice whether to agree or disagree, promise or reject.
Judging people who wants to be nice, they are lying to themselves- they are known as the ‘people-pleasers’. They are often overworked, stressed and have a miserable lifestyle just because they are too nice.
When it comes to commitments, they have to be done with a sincere heart and by saying “No”, you are freeing yourselves into something that you would not enjoy doing it or something that you will not end up doing well. For work commitments, you can help a mere of less than a quarter on your colleagues’ work after you have done your part. This is not individualistic or being arrogant, is being humble and mindful of your ability. Saying “No” becomes the most generous thing to do.
Of course, it doesn’t mean that we should say “No” to everything because we do have something that we feel passionate doing it after saying “Yes”. We feel that it is the right thing to do and we feel that it is not at all troublesome from the bottom of our heart. We don’t feel the stress at all of not doing it right, in fact we enjoy it without needing to please anyone. I am not suggesting that we should turn down every requests just because we hate doing them but we have to understand that saying ‘Yes’ is valuable to something or someone because we don’t do it much often and we only agree because we like that person. There’s no doubt about saying “Yes” & “No” in moderation is a right thing to do. There are a few tactics when it comes to say ‘No’, you just have to practice with the right tone and reasonable excuses, of course you have to show appreciation on the people that have asked for your help because it proves your skills in helping others, unless it was your ‘excessive-kind-personality’ that leads to such circumstances.