The key to make yourself feel better in every situation is through denial. We denial that we are exhausted. We deny that we are good at something. We deny that we are frustrated. We deny that we hate someone or love someone. The most crucial fact is that we make denial that we often deny.
What exactly is denial?
Denial is refusal of something that we truly not wanting to accept and believe and such complex psychological process somehow gradually preventing us to realize the emotional impact of the occurrence and events around us. Denial is sometimes shown on actions rather than thoughts. When we do not think and act at the same way, it means we are living in the world of denial. It is almost similar to escaping from what we thought or there are contradiction between two thoughts (slowly or when matter worsens, split/double personality occurs)
For instance, when one person hates her job, she still keeps on doing it because she has to earn a living. She can’t just quit when she needs money for food, car, shelter and clothes. When someone who is unlikely to commits a crime but committed, she could not accept the fact that she did it which lead her into a blurry state of mind from anxiety to depression and finally to mental breakdown.
Of course little things that we deny in our life will not always lead us to such tragic consequence.
Why do we resort to denial?
We have created an impeccable world in our sub-conscious mind. Denial becomes a protection layer that shelter us from unwanted feelings, truth and the reality world that often produces fear, anxiety and pain. Those unpleasant and negative imagery has spoil the pieces of a perfect picture that we have puzzled it up throughout our lives. The feeling of living in a dreamland with happiness is often better than depressing, dreadful and a hell load of horrifying information for us to sink in.
When do we deny?
When we are weak and not confident on something, we lie to ourselves and choose to deny on anything that we hear from others. Sometimes the things you hear may be too harsh for your hearts and souls to handle them. It may be someone close to you has passed away or you are fired from your job. There are basically many types of denial. Many people do not believe that they are in denial. Some of them choose to believe that they are just being optimistic. When we watch movies, we particularly see characters’ denial much apparent compared to our personal denial. We see denial when clearly there is no hope for the main character, the character still continues to struggle in believing that he will success (of course he will!) Most movies like that ended up with happy ever after. However, is that the reality we are talking about? Unfortunately, sadly, NO!
Everyone does that. Once in our life time, the most common lies that we tell are not to others but to ourselves. Based on my experience, (some) students often choose to deny their mistakes when it comes to study. (Some) Teachers choose to defend themselves when students correct their mistakes. (some) couples choose to find excuses that they still love each other when clearly the relationship is not working. (Many) People deliberately find excuses just so that the mistakes that they done are not as serious as they think.
How do we eliminate denial?
Personally I thought, there is absolutely no solution. Even though people lie to themselves but gradually there is a time when they suddenly woke up and realize everything is just a dream. People will assimilate back to the world that they belong, a world that has flaws and you will likely to receive more of the not-so-good news from someone, somewhere and sometime you move on. The cycle repeats until the very end of your life. Keep on pretending that your life is alright does not equal to a happy life. Doing the things you are doing now and denying that you like it will not lead you to a correct path. A human journey of lies and denial has make the world a better place yet the authority is still on truth and reality.
WHEN a country’s currency drops or facing a drop of income, politicians tell us that the income will soon increase inevitably by how many percentage. Are they kidding? Are they lying to us or Do they simply choose to deny the fact that the country is facing resources depletion, deterioration of tourism and economic crisis.
WHEN someone does not receive a good grade, he blames on the teacher and others except for himself. Why does he do that? To make himself better. He clearly thinks that he has put in sufficient efforts, yet the result is not match to what he expected. This fails to mend his ego and pride, therefore he has to do something to comfort himself. There are two possible outcomes to this action-one, he will work hard again next time and two, he will repeat the same incident.
WHY does an employee still respect the employer when she clearly hates her? Is she lying to herself or denies that she is actually able to cope with the boss? Often, there are ambiguity in this situation- the mixture of denial and comprehensiveness.
WHO make us believe that we should deny and continue to cover up reality? The answer is still ourselves. We could not possibly blame on other of our actions. Sometimes, we realize our mistake, yet we show others that we don’t (we stop lying to ourselves! but we are still stubborn in admitting the petty wrongdoing and the little fault on the shoulder is just unbearable.
WHAT can a person do if denial overpowers acceptance? Someone clearly hopes that our loved ones will forever be with us, yet it is impossible to imbue such thinking. Grief can never replace ones acceptance but living like your normal life without that person proves that you have not let denial took over you.